Schools blame parents and parents blame schools when a child is not properly educated. Sadly, both are right. Solving that dilemma will require a tectonic shift in our way of thinking about the roles of parents and schools. There is, however, an intermediate step that can be taken to ease the tension. The foundational truth that our society has nearly abandoned is this: Parents are ultimately responsible for ensuring the proper education and upbringing of their children. No matter who else is involved, including school teachers, coaches, church teachers, or other adults, parents are supposed to be the architects of their children's preparation for adulthood. But over the past few decades, we have witnessed a retreat on the part of more and more parents who either have "better" things to do than raise their children, or who think they are unfit for the task. (Feeling unfit, by the way, is a universal sentiment. All parents need advice and physical help raising children, but this does not mean they are unfit). This retreat of parents has invited the pursuit of others who claim to know how to meet the needs of children. These pursuers (many of whom are well-meaning and do an excellent job under the circumstances) are willing to give their own time and energy to teach and raise children, which comes as a welcome relief for parents who have given their time and energy elsewhere. Programs have grown to accommodate this retreat. In the process, parents have yielded even more of their responsibility, reasoning that the intellectual and even emotional stimulation provided by these paid workers exceeds the parents' own capacity to provide such things. In some cases this may be true, but the answer is to expand the parents' abilities and confidence, not to relinquish responsibility. (This is an area where churches are urgently needed to fill the gap, both in teaching parents and in providing child care when there is a true need.) The next step in this dance is the blame game. As parents assign responsibility to schools, they expect schools to take total responsibility for raising their children. When schools don't fulfill that desire, the parents blame the school. Yet, it is impossible for schools to fulfill this desire. They try to fulfill it, and they hire more people, and they do research to find a way to replace parents. But the problems remain. Thus, they blame the parents. Our society has bought into this notion that schools are the key ingredient in children's lives. The term "parental involvement" has come out of this. The implication is that schools are responsible for children, and parents are supposed to be involved in helping the schools do the schools' job. The opposite is true. Parents are responsible and schools are merely supposed to help. "School involvement" would be a more appropriate term, if we viewed the roles as they should be. The fact is that parents cannot give away portions of their responsibility. They can abdicate it totally, yielding all rights and responsibilities to the state or to adoptive parents. But responsibility for one's own children is indivisible; it cannot be shared with others. So, what is the role of schools? We must be careful not to use "school" and "education" as synonyms; school is merely one source of education. True education is the development of a person's soul. It involves spiritual, emotional, and intellectual exercise. This is why parents, not schools, are responsible for orchestrating the education of their children. If the parents choose to "hire" professional educators (whether that means tutors, or whether that means public or private schools) to perform in this orchestra, those educators should play the part agreed to by the parents and the school. If they agree that the educator will teach facts only, that is what should happen. If they agree that the educator will keep order, and administer discipline when necessary, that is what should happen. To do this provides clarity for all involved, and it requires the parents to lead, not merely be "involved." How can a school, especially a public school, meet the customized expectations of all the parents whose students attend the school? Well, it can't. Not as it is currently designed, anyway. There is, however, a step we can take toward this. A public school reform movement has been sweeping the country that has yet to take hold here in Mississippi. This reform allows the creation of "charter schools." Charter schools are public schools. They cannot charge tuition, they cannot discriminate in their admissions, they are subject to public audit of their spending, and they are subject to the same restrictions as other public schools in the teaching of religious doctrine. Charter schools are given freedom that other schools do not have to set budgets (including teacher pay) and schedules, choose curricula, and make other decisions usually made by district or state offices. In exchange for these freedoms, they are held to specific, objective standards of achievement, which are defined in the "charter," or contract, with the district or the state. An example would be a certain average standardized test score, or a certain graduation rate. If they do not achieve these standards, they are closed, either by the state revoking the charter, or by the loss of funding when parents choose another school. Funding for these schools is based on the number of students enrolled, just as our regular public schools will soon be funded under the Adequate Education Program. The key here is that parents may choose the school and help create one if none exists that will meet the educational needs of their children. Charter schools, while not ideal, offer a step toward the recognition and support of the proper roles and relationships of parents and schools. For more details, contact me at the address below. The bottom line is that parents should orchestrate the education of their children; schools should merely be involved. Until we get to that way of thinking, the blame game will continue, and children will suffer for it. DBJ (Forest Thigpen is president of the Mississippi Family Council, an independent, non-profit public policy organization based in Jackson. Write to him at P.O. Box 13514, Jackson MS 39236 or mail@msfamily.org, or cal1 him at 601-969-1200.)